These scars are the memories of family I keep
These bones are the hull of my boat underneath
They carry the weight of the pain that runs deep
In a river that flows from the tears that I weep
These scars are what's left from the battles I've fought
While searching for truth in the lies I was taught
I struggle and stumble, I toss and I turn
And the river rolls over the bridges I burn
Lay down, old soldier, oh lay down your gun
You're fighting a war that can never be won
You're looking for light at the end of the day
While the sunlight is sinking and slipping away
These scars are the memories of family I keep
These bones are the hull of my boat underneath
They carry the weight of the pain that runs deep
In a river that flows from the tears that I weep
Wherever I go and whenever I sleep
The Back Story
The only back story here is the one we all experience. We swim in a river of whiteness that often goes undetected precisely because it is all around us, like the air that we breathe. It eats away at our humanity and the more we resist looking at it, the less capable we become of seeing it. I’m reminded of the character climbing down the rope in the well in Charles Williams’ Descent Into Hell, the light of the moon above growing dimmer and dimmer until he eventually feels no more rope beneath him and the distant light above blinks out.
There are consequences for complicity with whiteness – as there are for standing up to it. We make our choice and the river does its work and rolls on.
Our most difficult part of the journey will inevitably be with those we love the most. Learn to give yourself and others grace as you make the difficult journey upstream.
*Play the song*
This song is dedicated to the memory of two dear friends, Coach Russell Dayton of Kansas City, MO and his daughter, Cindy. Both were outspoken antiracists. Cindy was also an exceptional vocalist. Cindy died from cancer in 2004 and Coach passed away from old age in 2024.